


camouflage

by poselikeateam



Series: The Witcher - Songfics and Song-Inspired [8]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Fae, Cursed Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Fae Jaskier | Dandelion, Fae Magic, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fix-It, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Apologizes, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia is Bad at Apologies, Getting Together, Immortal Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion Being a Little Shit, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Human Jaskier | Dandelion, Past Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Poetry, Songfic, Truth Spells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26180065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poselikeateam/pseuds/poselikeateam
Summary: It isn't until Geralt sees Jaskier again, a few days after their friendship shattered on a mountaintop, that he realises he's been cursed. Geralt can only speak in verse, and Jaskier takes it upon himself to figure out just what the witcher is really trying to say.[Songfic forcamouflageby The Front Bottoms]
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: The Witcher - Songfics and Song-Inspired [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1778191
Comments: 11
Kudos: 271





	camouflage

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rercho](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rercho/gifts).



> Special thanks to @rercho, this fic is definitely partly your fault lmao

Geralt wants to think that it's obvious that he didn't mean it. How could Jaskier be the cause of all of the bad things in his life when he hasn't even been alive for the worst parts? Jaskier tried to stop him from making a few of the poorer decisions that got him to this point in the first place (using the djinn, running back into a crumbling building to save Yennefer, following her on a dragon hunt he knew he shouldn't be a part of). Sure, he'd dragged Geralt to Pavetta's ill-fated party, but that's one drop in a sea of Geralt's terrible decisions, and in the end he was the one who agreed to it anyway. 

Jaskier is a good man. He's flighty, loud, arrogant, and has no self-preservation instinct whatsoever, but he's also kind, caring, intelligent, steadfast, loyal. His attention-grabbing nature keeps eyes off of Geralt and makes sure that when people _do_ look at the witcher, they see him in a better light than they would have without the bard _literally_ singing his praises. If Geralt is being really, truly honest, Jaskier is the best thing that's ever happened to him, but he just doesn't have the _words_ to express how much the bard _means_ to him. Jaskier is a poet, has words for every occasion and the ability to make up the ones he needs at the drop of a hat. Geralt is not.

It's not as though he isn't well-read. He spends almost too much time in Kaer Morhen's library during the winters, and he's pretty sure that a very large portion of those books have come from him. After all, he picks up as many as he can out on the Path, and they've all got to go somewhere. He enjoys reading, and he does enjoy Jaskier's poems when he isn't horribly overstimulated by all the noise. He can take words in just fine, but using them? Not his greatest skill, to put it mildly.

That might be the worst part of it, really. Jaskier deserves an apology, and that's putting it mildly. He just... doesn't think he can do it. Obviously he physically can, he can say _I'm sorry I was a dick_ just fine, but that's not _enough_. Even if Jaskier did accept it (which he shouldn't) it wouldn't come close to encompassing everything that Geralt has fucked up and everything that Jaskier has dealt with from him and how much he wants to atone for it all. 

It's a mess, honestly.

For the first few days alone, Geralt doesn't talk to anyone. Who is there to talk to? Somehow, going back to talking to Roach without Jaskier's incessant prattling feels _weird_. The silence is hitting Geralt in a way it never has, feeling eerie instead of comfortable. He turns around to ask Jaskier something only to see an empty road. It's rough. He deserves it.

It isn't until he wanders into a town to find some work that he learns that something is very wrong.

Losing Jaskier is somehow not the only negative repercussion he's facing for his stupidity. No, apparently he's also been cursed. Honestly, he's pretty sure that this is directly related to the way he'd lashed out at his bard, because aside from the fact that this didn't happen until after that, the nature of the curse is pretty thematically apt for the situation. See, the thing is, Geralt can only speak in fucking poems. 

He actually does find Jaskier in this town. It almost seems intentional, finding the one man he wants to see the most in the first town he comes across. The bard is performing a song that Geralt doesn't recognise, though the melody seems familiar. He must have been working on it before they'd parted, and finished it after. 

_We are smoke  
Living on your parents' property  
It's a joke  
So we don't take it seriously  
'Fight's not worth the drama,' sounds like something that you said  
Only bad examples left  
All the good ones, dead  
And to think I was having a mental breakdown  
The same time you were painting your walls..._

Geralt is trying not to focus on the lyrics. He has a terrible habit of analysing Jaskier's poetry (when it isn't being explained to him in excruciating detail by the poet himself, of course). It probably comes from having spent years playing voyeur to Jaskier's creative process. 

It seems to be a song about young love, on the surface. The lovers are smoke because it's ephemeral, like their relationship. Perhaps they stay with the parents of one of the lovers because they don't yet have a place of their own, or it's just convenient. They don't seem to hide their relationship, but they don't seem to be very invested in it, either. _It's a joke so we don't take it seriously_ implies that they both _want_ to be together, so they treat it as a joke so their hearts won't be fooled into accepting a good thing that can't last. 

The next lines make Geralt think of his own friendship with the man singing. _Fight's not worth the drama_ does sound like something Geralt has said. He's said it often to try to keep Jaskier from fighting people on his behalf, or when Jaskier had asked him why he doesn't fight back when people mistreat him. The fight's not worth the drama — if he reacts, then he only proves them right when they call him a monster. It's better to keep to oneself. 

_Only bad examples left_ and _All the good ones, dead_ could refer to witchers. There have been some damn heroic witchers in the past — Witcher George being the most famous — but there are so few of them left. Is Jaskier saying that Geralt is a bad example of his kind? He might be. Geralt wouldn't fault him for it. After all, he often thinks the same of himself.

He can't help but think that _To think I was having a mental breakdown the same time you were painting your walls_ is allegorical in nature. That is to say, Jaskier — or the character he's portraying — was having some sort of crisis while the person he's singing about was doing something mundane, or perhaps ignoring it entirely. Things were so tense for him, but this other person was just going about their business, entirely unaware of his struggles.

Shit, is that about him? 

Geralt does not want to make assumptions. He understands that Jaskier is probably very upset with him, and he has every right to be. The thing is, he wants to talk to Jaskier himself. He waits for the bard's set to end, and he can pinpoint the precise moment when he's noticed, because the bard tenses up before sighing and making his way over to Geralt's dark corner. 

Somehow, they end up in Jaskier's room, with Geralt having barely said a word. When they get there, Jaskier rounds on him, demanding to know what he's doing there, what he wants. It's at this point that Geralt realises something is wrong. 

What they quickly figure out is that Geralt can only speak in poems, and can only tell the truth. He can't just speak plainly, no, that would be too _easy_. Well, to be fair, it probably wouldn't. At the very least, he doesn't have to worry about expressing himself properly.

Only, he _does_ have to worry about it, because of course he ends up admitting to something he never wanted to. "Found my love, born to obey her," he says at first, and Jaskier scowls, before Geralt softly adds, "On the way, I think of kissing you every day."

They both falter.

Geralt's eyes are wide, his expression one of pure shock, because he absolutely had not thought he was going to say that under any circumstances. Fuck's sake, he'd barely admitted it to himself — his feelings for Jaskier being more than friendship, being with Yennefer because he felt like he had to but wishing he could be with Jaskier as well, the way he feels confused and betrayed by his own heart and mind. Now it's just... out there, in the open, and there's no putting it back.

"Okay," Jaskier says after taking a moment, "I think... we should go about this a slightly different way. I'll ask questions, you answer them, yeah?" 

The witcher grunts his assent, not willing to risk saying more if he doesn't absolutely have to. The only reason he's even going along with this is that he owes Jaskier an apology, and if it's a little uncomfortable, oh well. It's what he deserves.

"Describe your relationship with Yennefer for me," the bard says. 

Geralt narrows his eyes, irritated. It isn't something he wants to delve into right now, or ever. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like he has a choice in the matter. "Sour, but I think I like it," he grumbles. "Fruit from the profane communion. Who knew I would even try it? Now, I wear camouflage to blend in." 

Again, Jaskier says, "Okay." He takes another breath and says, "Now, I'm going to analyse the things you tell me, and you're going to nod or shake your head to tell me if I've got it right. Yeah?" Geralt nods, so Jaskier says, "You're saying that you enjoy being with Yennefer, even the bad parts?" 

The witcher shakes his head. That isn't what he's saying at all! Before he can get well and truly frustrated by this whole thing, Jaskier says, "Okay, then are you saying your relationship is painful, and something you wouldn't have seen yourself being a part of, but there are parts you enjoy anyway?" 

Yes, that's more accurate. Geralt nods, and Jaskier grins at him, apparently enjoying this game enough to, at least for now, ignore his irritation at the witcher. "And you wear camouflage to blend in... are you saying you use your relationship with her to cover something up about yourself?" Reluctantly, Geralt nods again. 

The bard hesitates for a moment, before saying, "Now, how do you feel about... about what happened between us?" 

There are simply too many things he feels about that. Mostly, he feels regret. What he says is, "I don't know where I am. How did I get here? I probably look like a psycho. They're probably calling the guards on me right now in a universe parallel. And you can tell I was having a nervous breakdown the same time you were making that call." 

"Well, at least your subconscious listens to my work," Jaskier sniffs. Geralt _wants_ to say that he _does_ listen, but he thinks better of it. With this curse in place, he isn't going to speak unless spoken to, and he doesn't think that really counts. 

"Now, let's see. You don't know how we got to this point, correct?" Geralt nods, so Jaskier continues. "Is it that you don't know how we became so close, or you don't know how the fight happened? Er, sorry, that wasn't yes or no — hold up one finger for the first answer, and two for the second?" 

Geralt frowns, considering for a moment. He supposes it's the first one. After all, he shouldn't be close enough with anyone to be able to drive them away and make it hurt like this, but here they are. 

Jaskier mutters to himself, going over Geralt's poem again to himself. "Are you saying your actions were entirely unreasonable? You practically went mad for a moment there? You shouldn't have said any of it?" Geralt nods at each suggestion, because yes, those are all true and exactly what he means. "And you were having a nervous breakdown when Yennefer left, and I made the wrong decision to try to comfort you instead of giving you space." It's not a question, but he nods anyway. It's not an excuse, but it is the reason. There's a clear distinction between those two things. 

"Geralt?" Jaskier asks, as if he doesn't already have all of the witcher's attention. He looks nervous, and it's making Geralt feel sort of nervous too — or, as close to nervous as a witcher can, at least. Finally, he says, "Do you... have feelings for me?"

The witcher grits his teeth, hesitates a moment, and then nods. 

"Why didn't you _say_ anything?" Jaskier demands.

The words come again, whether Geralt actually wants them to or not. "I gotta make a commitment and it's stressing me out — one I'm going to have to live with, 'til I'm under the ground. And I will save it for my deathbed, like I'm reading a vow, or a guardsman's report — feels like a poem somehow. Because all the the time I talk about vacation, like it's all we got in common. _Just let me take you on vacation just like I promised._ I mean, obviously I'm distant — I'm a thousand miles away! Obviously it's tense; there's nothing else to say. I am so loosely connected in a couple different ways, and I might not act like it, but I think I love the taste."

That was a lot. Thank fuck for Jaskier's memory — it's selective as all hell, but when it comes to poetry and verse, it's fucking bottomless. 

"Let's break this down," the bard says after a minute or two of quiet introspection (which Geralt hardly believed him capable of, honestly). "You're afraid of commitment?" 

Geralt shrugs. It's not exactly that. It's more that he's afraid of committing _to Jaskier_. The bard is only human, after all; every moment he spends in Geralt's company is another moment that Geralt has stolen from him. He's going to have to live with all of the time he's taken from his bard's life for the rest of his, long after the other is gone. If he doesn't say anything about his feelings, then he can't... he can't trap Jaskier in a life with him, can't take up any more of his precious _time_. His feelings are complicated; it feels beautiful, like a poem, dangerous, like a crime, and binding, like a vow. He is in love with Jaskier, and he's stuck with those feelings, but the bard does not have to be. He can be free, and Geralt will not be the one to take that from him.

Of course, Jaskier has an almost unnatural ability to find the meanings of words, so it doesn't take long for him to actually guess all of that himself. 

Similarly, Jaskier guesses that _vacation_ refers to all the time Jaskier has spent trying to convince Geralt to take time off, to go visit the coast with him, to rest. It's the only thing they can have a real conversation about, lately — there's a tension between them otherwise, thousands of miles between them even when they're right next to each other. 

Sometimes they spend long periods of time apart. Every winter, Geralt goes up to Kaer Morhen, and Jaskier goes to teach in Oxenfurt or winter in some court. They are _thousands_ of miles apart, but the physical distance is nothing compared to the emotional distance that's cropped up between them lately. There's just nothing more to say about it, because breaching the subject can only make things worse, so they keep themselves wrapped and trapped in this weird tension, like they're trying to traverse a cave full of arachnomorphs and dodge all the fucking webs. 

Geralt feels like he's caught in a huge web, loosely connected to every damned important thing that's happened as of late. He doesn't want to be a part of political intrigue, doesn't want to have to navigate difficult interpersonal relationships. He just wants to _be_. At the same time, he has to admit, there's a part of him that's starting to enjoy it all. Maybe not the politics, but he's enjoying having friends, having people he cares about and who care about him in turn. He doesn't act like it, but he really does like that taste of the feeling of being loved. 

"Geralt, darling, one more question," Jaskier says, and Geralt sighs and nods. "Did you not know that I love you?" 

If he's being honest? Sort of. Jaskier flirts with everyone. He's kind to Geralt in a way that no one else ever has been, but Geralt could never be sure that it _meant_ anything. Before this, he didn't really know what love _felt_ like. If he's being honest, he still isn't entirely sure.

With a shrug, he says, "It was hard to tell what it meant, and how it felt."

Jaskier sighs, and lifts his hand. Geralt's medallion hums, and he draws his sword. Jaskier doesn't have any magic, so what the fuck is standing in front of him?

"Oh, put that thing away before you do something stupid _again_ ," Jaskier snaps, though there's no real bite to it. He sounds more tired than irritated. He looks, sounds, and smells like Jaskier, but Geralt is still wary.

"What did you just do?" he growls. 

Smirking in a way that is entirely too smug, the bard says, "You're welcome." 

"That's not an answer," says Geralt. Then, a moment later, he realises that he isn't rhyming anymore. "You took the curse away?"

Jaskier shrugs. "Well, I'm the one who put it there, aren't I?"

"How? Jaskier can't do magic. What are you?" he demands. 

"Really, darling, you never noticed?" Jaskier crosses his arms. "I'm fae, you imbecile."

"What?"

The bard rolls his eyes. "Dear Gods, are you dense sometimes."

So, it turns out that Jaskier is not exactly what Geralt thought he was. The fae are capricious by nature, with a tendency for mischief, and for lashing out when they are wronged. Really, Geralt is lucky that he got away with a light curse. Jaskier had simply thought that if Geralt wants his one blessing, he can be rid of Jaskier, but not of his poetry. When he got his head out of his arse and apologised, Jaskier would lift the curse. 

Because, see, he knows that Geralt didn't mean it. He knows that he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That doesn't make it not _hurt_ , though; and really, Geralt had been taking him for granted for far too long.

Sure, he didn't think that this would come of it, but he isn't going to complain. Why would he, when Geralt kisses him like that? Yes, he thinks, this is a very good beginning.


End file.
